self reflection and understanding

As I lay here in this shield of cozy bed.

I THINK....
What challenges exactly these movies and literature depicts in characters lives are merely a glimpse of what we as a human feel in strong and extensive manner. 

One shot may reflect of what may possibly replicate the complication one confronts in their lives but it cannot gather up every single flash of human mind, and may be nothing can because of its time and space issue. 

This day I wondered why it is so easy for me to lose my regular self who is mostly caught up or lost in the everday chores or future prospective initiations. I am well aware that I won't be the same, the time it wont be the same like this AGAIN. 

One day these situations will change and relationships too, and I will find myself in different position again, in relation to life.

Somehow, people parcel it in some limited definition of 'Attachment'. It is indeed a terrifying thing for a simple human being like me, who doesn't know what she wants from life for herself.

 I don't have wishes, all I wish is to see my parents happy, fulfill their wishes and be the relief they deserve. Like any regular child. However, when certain films or reels depicts revolution, woman following her dream against other's expectation. I come to reflect upon my own desires which is actually limited to being best in everything, PERHAPS to please my parents. It seems, I haven't really grown out of my childhood phase, and nobody on my growing phase told me that I should be putting my interest first. May be that's how I'am standing on this array of confounding conversation to myself.

 Somehow I do like to assert my opinion  before any decision is taken, yet it is easy for me to foreshadow my own self in need of others, now if it is good or bad, I should let the ACT decide it. 

Afterall, there is no good and bad or say, correct or incorrect path in every single situation. Interestly, I have tendency to judge one in every circumstances that life throws at me.I have been incorrect many times and my efforts lies on not committing often.

Sometimes, everything becomes pretty strange like I have no reason to exist in this world and must find it sooner. It is like being ripped off every identity I've created in this world. Leaving alone only active senses to explore the unknown. It like being empty and not having my hook attached on the ground. 

I start questioning, and this gives me anxiety too. However, this anxiety is largely about not having an anchor among this place which is devoid of any form of direction.  Like somebody plucked me out of a nicely decorated 3d art and now I am foreign to this space.